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A Man’s Fickle Heart

February 3, 2012

There is a bittersweet pain in knowing
a love which could be overflowing
is lost amid the sorrow of by-gone days.
Ever present in a heartbeat or silent tear
an endless rending of the soul, another year
how quickly love grows yet it never stays.
Man is a fickle creature with a heart of stardust
in not seeing what he has, endlessly search he must
for what he thinks he does not own.
So carelessly he tosses away the gentle soul
with time and space his actions feel the toll
of the love discarded for the now, unknown

Written by Susan




2011 hindsights. Cherished. Love.

January 25, 2012
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It has been months since I last posted. Truthfully, I can’t write anything personal anymore without appearing bitter. I am not a bitter man.

Nonetheless, 2011 has provide me with the opportunities to achieve much in life. Slight hiccups along the way but attributed it to life natural course. Follows are what I cherished the most:

  1. The ‘unemployed-graduate’ experience. I must say earlier on, I had it easy. And perhaps due to it, I appreciate it lesser. Experiencing this grants me the opportunity to empathise on the desperation of others who are struggling to enter the workforce. It is not an easy feat. Desperation is known to stretch someone’s values to its limit.
  2. Make hiking up Chilling Fish Sanctuary in Kuala Kubu Baru a routine. Did a hike up regularly for four months until I had a job offer. It is my sanctum. Blissfully cool, the best somersault I’ve ever did, and the first time I really smile after that black day.
  3. Learnt to make cold potato pasta, cashew nut chicken, chicken tomato stew, baked mac’n’cheese and personalised baked macaroni. Wanted to make carbonara and bruchetta from scratch and and all other italian man’s food. My taste buds origin.
  4. Learnt about coffee.
  5. Given up on learning Mandarin from audio CD.
  6. Took care of the parents. Unexpectedly, both of my parents were admitted for surgery around the same time. Parents are babies sometimes. But I love them unconditionally with every ounces  of my heart.
  7. Accepted a job offer that I’m really thankful off. Experienced boss, horizontal set-up, cohesive-symbiotic-different and experienced co-workers, loads of opportunities, a lot of fun, travelling to places I’ve never thought off, and a lot more. The stress, expectations and slight office politics may sour the whole experience a bit but that part and parcel of a career. No?
  8. Successfully ran Putrajaya Night Marathon. No…actually the 5km Fun Run. But, I have to start somewhere right?
  9. Conquered Bukit Tabur which is the longest Quartz Ridge the Southeast Asia, climbed half of Gunung Nuang and hiked up Broga Hill. On which i did something embarassing which still brought silly smile on my face.
  10. Went on a successful food trip along the northern region with 14 like-minded bestfriends. I can still remember our laughters and bloated-ness. May we experience this more in years to come.
  11. Had a burger name after me.
  12. Watched loads of theatres, movies, music showcase and indie art events. Haven’t mingled much though.
  13. Real friends stick together. Seem like a protective glue around me sometimes. Not-so-real friends, suddenly disappear. But it’s all good, I am still your friend.
  14. Kept the head bald for one whole year. Call it purification, call it a fashion statement, call it weird. I call it being bald.
  15. Started going to the gym. Regularly. Goal is to be stronger.
  16. Had my own writing published. Internationally. Wicked right?
  17. Slowly picked up my pieces. Shattered pieces are harder clean because along the way, new wound appears.
  18. Being a better man is still a work-in-progress.
  19. My best friends got married. To each others. Happy and proud.
  20. The amount of restaurants I’ve tried, makes me wonder why didn’t spent some time writing a review.
  21. Spent a lot more time with the family.
  22. Hosted parents silver jubilee. Proud of the family and may we live long and prosper.
  23. Cycle from Kapar to Sungai Perak. 120km in 15 hours. Slow, I know. Was supposed to do Kapar to Lumut which is 180km. One thing for sure, it is not easy so I’m really proud of this final achievement of 2011.

c’est la vie and carpe diem.

Back to Square. How to Love.

September 19, 2011

I’m not the best of man. Veered off countless of time. A dear friend of mine, said it’s human nature. Weakness is all human. For the countless times, I’m making that treacherous walk back. Tell me it’s all good. Tell me that that black taint can be washed. Tell me that the broken pieces can be pieced together.

I just want you to know
That you deserve the best.

Janji Aku. Pada?

August 17, 2011

On loops for the past few days. Heart is flowery. Been a while.

Berikan cintamu juga sayangmu

Percaya padaku ku kan menjagamu

Hingga akhir waktu menjemputku


A successful movie marathon. Know why it’s important?


August 9, 2011

kala dingin malam disabit hujan rintik dan angin deras.

saat jari mengatur gerak mencari letak meninggalkan jejak.

akal panjang menolak terbitan hati yang bisa hanya sekali.

sungguh aku tak ingin sakit lagi.

The anarchist. I’ll see you on the other side.

July 7, 2011

As been known by those close to me, I do my best to ensure that my life is lead with no regret.

Those who knows me, also knew I procrastinate a lot too.

Today, due to me being me, I didn’t get to meet my friend forever.

He’s the guy who taught me some amazing things on creativity and strategy. Grind music that I didn’t get, political and ideological difference. Who did not bow down to defeat. Who still surprise me on the various revealation of himself over time.

Banyak aku belajar dari kau. Moga dihalalkan untuk perjalananku yang tak tentu lagi tempoh luputnya. InsyaAllah, aku jumpa kau di sebelah sana.

From the eyes, to the heart. Enveloping the body.

June 30, 2011

“Love is a temporary madness, it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion, it is not the desire to mate every second minute of the day, it is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every cranny of your body. No, don’t blush, I am telling you some truths. That is just being “in love”, which any fool can do. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.”

Louis de Bernières (Captain Corelli’s Mandolin)


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