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Happiness.My spotless sunshine.An ode.

October 26, 2008

Happiness brought a certain glow in oneself. I saw it in you. Am glad that I may have contributed a significant part in generating happiness for you. I think induced happiness is the reason why we keep on orbitting ourself in the same location as the other is. We kinda hope that it will forever be so. I hope it will be forever so. If not then I’d be at a lost to begin searching for a new happiness. Truth to the matter is, am glad he left you. He didn’t deserve the goodness in you. I do hope, i deserve it though. Am liking what I’m having at the moment. (adek, whatever you’re guessing….you are right).

To you, I know theres a lot of doubt and uncertainty in the air. I don’t blame you on that. What we’ve (yes, i pun sama)  been through is not like making an omelette on sunday morning. But life is a LEGO. It will remain shattered like last night if you haven’t begin rebuilding it. I want to be your contractor and for you to be mine. I know I can build a beautiful one bescause I’m good with LEGO.(owh…I didn’t mean this in the wrong way) I don’t mind if it takes longer than real construction period. Materials and good workers are harder to get by these day 😉

However, I need to be clear of this. I don’t want to hurt you emotionally ( I know, physically I’d never stoop as low) and I don’t want to be hurted too. Please tell me if ever it is a dead end. I know it will slash my heart badly, but the heal would be quicker than feeling cheated if ever I found out you didn’t want to go on but stayed on because you didn’t wanna hurt my feelings.

Don’t get me wrong. We are doing great at the moment. I’ve realize that my hand is not clapping alone. Still searching for a balance though. And still teaching myself to not be as jealous. I’ll try not to meddle in your space too much. I’ll show you a better guy. I’ll stand by my words. I’ll prove your perception wrong. And you can show whatever you want to show me 😉

Nonetheless, you would agree that we take this walk slowly right? I think my excess baggage in the epicenter kinda slow me down a bit. And both of us kinda scared of scratching our knees again. RIght? Lets ride the wave, my spotless sunshine. 😀

**************************************

There are days when I thought about her more. No, I’m not still in love with her. And no I’m not feeling guilty of letting her go. And NO I’m not in denial. Let me make this straight. The fire in me for her had died. Died in the cold night of 21st of june. Died after barrels of fresh oil dumped in. Died after all the matches in my pocket is used. I admit I too did wrong. I’m sorry. I expected a lot from you. I thought I see hope for us. Idealist in me. Starry sky are only worthy for those in fairy tales. After a long slow walk in august, I’ve manage to pick all of the pieces. Its kinda fast. Thanx to the frequent heartbreaks i manage to land myself into with you. Nonetheless, I’m happy. We learnt a lot from each others, had fun, contained memories (good&bad), and grown much.

But now I’m ready to move on. Please let me go. Drop the grudge. Forgive me as much as I’ve forgiven you. You can’t blame others on thing you’ve done onto yourself. I’ve wished you a blessed life and a happy one. I know your friends are always there for you. Heck, they even hated me as much as you did. But, its all good. That’s what friends are for. I’m proud of them for doing so. Can we be friend? (remember the promise we made that night?)….I hope we can but even if its not possible, the next best thing is to acknowledge that the other is there. Both of us are not empty spaces. I’ll try to be better too. It’s also hard for me, you know.

I wishes you the best things in this world and next. Saw that you’re doing great and am proud to see you well. This is an ode, I’ve finish my conclusion for your chapter long time ago. Take care.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. October 27, 2008 4:03 am

    “We kinda hope that it will forever be so. I hope it will be forever so.”

    I thought you dont believe in forever. ahha.

    jom tepuk tgn sama2 :p

  2. afiq syarifuddin permalink*
    October 27, 2008 11:53 am

    @dfarhana–not believing in forever does not mean i dont dwell in its ideals.theres no wrong in hoping right?

    *clapping with huge grin*

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