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Archives.Old thoughts.Am I hazy or the others crazy?

October 3, 2008

Attention: this is not a new post. I’m going delete my blog – So, I would like to keep all the post there here in wordpress. Since, I don’t know how to import from friendster’s blog (read: IT illiteracy) so I’m going to archives it by date in this post. Note that I’m not changing any form, grammar mistake and pointless blab from the original post. Enjoy!

when a cookie is half-bitten

Tuesday, September 5th, 2006

there will be no turnin’ back.every action done with its own matter how you cried, whined, dissed, blamed others it wouldn’t doesn’t matter if it is small or big,you will bear any outcome(s) from your it wrongdoing or goodwill.sometimes you said something nasty, you mocked someone mistakes, you corner them with responsibilities and orders…just remember that, the incident will be etched in his mind and heart till any corrective action is it as simple as sayin’ sorry or mistakes mended or wound healed or as big as revenge taken…there is no turning back from it.


thank you notes

Tuesday, September 5th, 2006

its been fun reading others blog.lotsa emotions involved.lotsa current turbulances or happy tides.but never mine.some had said that i have problem expressing my feelings,some had said that i have nasty tempers.some had said i have dirty mind(am I?hehehe),some said that i believes easily.

maybe thats the problem kn?nobody really knew me.i hide a lot,gave away some cookies crumbled but never the whole cookies.peoples have misunderstood me,said something that they shouldn’t to me,acted differently towards me; which sadden me.which by right in undetermined portion is my own fault.

so, i’d like to thanks a few like helmi,aizoo and adni(I dont think she knew me,i read her blog frequently),sakura biru(of her beautifully written story)…you open up your heart and left me some insight.may all of you continue posting and i start some.


i like.i love.i crave

Friday, September 15th, 2006

I feel like writing something.maybe it will let off some of those wayward feelings and thoughts.

I like beautiful me beautiful is a relative word.which have some faint resemblence with einstein’s relativity to me is not just physical, but what’s inside sums up the beauty equation.theres some who lack a bit of those physical beauty but are really marvelous with their inner self.or some who feel that their beauty is godly that the lose lots of their inner self.

i love my books and my music em damn much that i sometime wonder why i utter these words “love only something that will love you back”.maybe i feel loved by those musics and books ?or maybe i’m just to confuse with the term love.i felt as if love is nothing.i felt like love is too sacred that to associate something less beautiful would taint the god-ly word.i felt as if love is too confusing that it should be left on its discover and to grow,to learn and to know….yea maybe i’m too young for it or was it that i’m not searching for it.what do i really mean actually?

i crave for something cool,something tasteful,something that’ll created some bit of real feeling.something that’ll make me lose sleep, get disoriented and most importantly something in the present.this last few days, i have been reliving some pasts,remembering the good time,thinking of some really sucky period which could turn great if i didn’t messed up.but why?why didn’t i live in the present and just bask with the moment.maybe that is me,the sideline spectator.

till i make some sense out of myself~ silence

Thursday, September 21st, 2006

nI usually feels at every place that i went,there will be some time which appear that i shouldnt have even been there.maybe i’m being too of my close friend said that i’m a ‘kera sumbang’ which really hurts could a conclusion be made right away without any explaination.please lah.

sometimes,being alone is much more tolerable than being with lotsa peoples.sometimes,staying silenced is for the better for all.sometimes,trying to detached from the surrounding creates a better inner peace on oneself.sometimes,not mingling with the open crowds creates ideas and let the person view the world in that certain compartment.

i love being alone.not everytime because that is so not human.but at certain interval, when i feel that i can’t tolerate what others wanna do,which by right is their own choice,i wanna go away.respect me for that.I couldn’t remain as calm as i were if u keep dumping that small things to me.and if you force it,i will not stay true to my mature side.quoting from one book i’ve read “maturity is define not by your years of living…but by directing your feelings to someone that causes it and not towards the person you met next”….something like that la kot.i dont really remember the complete sentence.

i like staying silenced.sometimes i may have said small things that inflicted wounds on others heart.i am mere human.if my immaturity gets the better of me,or using my mum word to describe me ‘too excited’, i may spill some words that i wish is directed to me than to others.i don’t really like it when this, if i choose to stay silenced,let me be.i will say something when the time comes.good thing comes to those who waited.

this is one of the trait that i don’t know from whom i inherited or detached from surrounding in open public.i may not do this often but when i do this its rather fulfilling in me and furthermore, let me written some beautiful string of words afterward.sometimes,old memories flashes back.sometimes i imagines what the future incident that may happen if certain something happens.

i’m not saying that after writing this(my means of telling) that i should be treated in special way.i just want you to understand so that we can be a better friend.i trying to explain things that i couldnt mouthed out.

this is actually written on monday,18sept at 1525pm….to lazy to update at out for more aite.


birthday.old age.perhaps happiness

Saturday, September 23rd, 2006

23.09… birthday.the day of existence.the first breathe.the first blinding light.the first cry.the joy.the end of undescribable pain(thanx ibu).

birthday reminds me of the past.old flame.accomplishments.certain pain.ambush in a room full of chemical stuffs.birthday songs in the middle of crowd.fresh air in the middle of the night.promises made.

what i wanna say here is i’m thankful.for those who remembered,theres joy blooming inside of me when y’all wished those who are to preoccupied to remember,i dont really mind(maybe slightly to certain someone) at is just another year added to my collection of breathing air in this ALLAH land.

i’ve gone thru a lot this year alone.lotsa emotions involved.but i’m proud to say that roughly i’ve manage to become a better persona.a bit lah.long way to go.lots more to see and learn.

more… love and be loved.haha,curi kebatim’s motto.


i cant.i’m a dweeb.its too painful

Friday, October 13th, 2006

why does something that so uncertain could hurt you so much that gritting your teeth past it is not an could a pain thats not visible create misery that havent yet haunting every second of me trying to sleep it off,till i submit to exhaustion and stay will be one hell of a period for me to leave it behind and control the cant help, thank make it more piercing is to have someone you trust to take away one thing that matter to me.the dream,the hope,the resolution.God, i’m in pain.what causes pain should be a cure too,but i doubt this one.


i see me.i want to be better me.

Thursday, November 23rd, 2006

Every insecure human beeing develops this feling.the inadequacy feeling amongst surrounding publics.he will feels that everyone is watching his moves.every moves.the way he walks.the way he stand.even the way he breathes.he will feel too conscious to even talk, so when he do try it become slurred or to fast to didn’t really show when he’s with someone who didn’t really know, because he will be trying to hard to impress that the person will be fooled by that elaborated acts.what shocks becomes to that person once he dropped his guard and shows the real him.

i’ve always wonders why i never have mutual attraction to the opposite sex.or identical sex to that matter.i manage to attract some to befriends me.who eventually become close platonic friend.what is the matter with that?people around have been saying a lot of are attractive,blablabla….so where is that attractiveness when it comes to impress someone,dude?

maybe, i am insecure.theres an old saying that says ‘love yourself before you love someone else’ which is true.maybe i didn’t love myself enough.sleep time is irregular.depriving myself from social interaction.secluding myself from even my own friends.all in all, argued that i’m doing this to avoid making a fool of myself.thats me.plain me.

perhaps i should try to loose it up.learn to not take things too seriously.not all things,but those mere petty stuff.well no one stays the same,he either becomes better or rot to death.of these two option,i’d rather have the first lets see me try.maybe i’ll stumble and scratched my knees or shattered my bones, but it’s all good.whatever that didn’t kill you will in the end makes you feel better.


a boredom.explain life

Monday, November 27th, 2006

things happen when you least expect it.when will i ever learn to expect the unexpected.sheesh.this incident happen when we were fetching my mom’s phone from the dealer.truthfully,the phone is always going on ‘rosak’ regardless the fact that it is only 4 months old.this is the conversation that isn’t supposed to happen if that one party learn not to speak like another person shouting.

girl promoter : ada aper masalah nie?(authoritative(aka berlagak) and loud tone)

my mom: boleh tak kamu jangan jerit2.(uneasy and slightly agitated tone)

girl promoter: akak nie apesal.orang tanya baik2, dier marah2 orang.

my mom: saya cuma cakap untuk kamu tak jerit2

it is what follows that interesting…………

girl promoter: akak jgn igt akak pakai tudung akak tu baik.

seriously,my mom just explode at that time and shouts to that airhead girl.after a minute of scolding the girl in front of some customers in the outlet, she went on lecturing the manager on teaching promoter how to behave with paying customer.lets just say that situation is under control, tho there is time when i thought my mom is going to slap the girl.i really do.

the thing is,if she hasn’t talk that loud( and i mean jerit-jerit kind of loud).this wouldn’t mom probably is a bit prejudice with this girl becoz of previous encounter, but the girl should hav learn this golden rule ‘whatever it is, customer is always right’.be nicer, be more friendly when you talk.and my mom will treat you just fine.

another issue is talking about someone wearing tudung.this is a form of harassment and if i’m not mistaken a criminal is already not right for a malay (who populatively is muslim) to say this amongst each other.and it rather shameful when you are a younger-age girl.however, angry or agitated you are never fight using personal fat that someone is,how ugly,how poor,what religion they believe,what attire they are is a big no-no.that is every person right stated in feredal constitution,bahagian 2.

after more than a handful years of living in this blessed land, most of us should learn to respect and compromise.once observe, this quality will make us see life in many different angle, and appreciate our multicultural diversity.cheerios.


teritorial marking.castration.heavy heart

Friday, December 1st, 2006

last wednesday must be one of the most important decision made for my cat.or our family cat to that parent decided we had enough of him marking his deemed teritory with smelly urine is said by most cat’s owner,castration is THE solution for this irritating problem.the task was dump on me (as i am the only person who hav licence and didnt work for a living) to send gemok to the vet clinic.i accept the assignment not knowing the burden of conscience i hav to carry till this very moment.

so i sent the cat.and left him there as the surgery couldnt take place as soon as possible becoz he has eaten right before we left.the vet said that theres a chance of the cat to vomit after surgery.which could get into his lung and eventually kills him.what a body could do to oneself is rather scary.the next day when i came to pick gemok up, the doctor said all is well but we hav to make sure the area near his balls(no he didnt said that,just commercializing) are clean to avoid infection.and theres one dose of painkiller to be given everyday on 3 days, all is well.

but the thing is,the decision to castrate our cat haunted me since last night.why the hell do we get to decide its time to terminate another being ability do we feel when someone esle said you have to undergo vesectomy this instance and theres no but.the cat seems quite since yesterday and its hard for me not to imagine him having a hard time suffering on the decision someone else made for him.

no, i didnt lose my mind.but it is better to care than to leave it under the rug not attended.this conscience does have an overbearing edge to my boredness.


my disability.ignorance.but natural me

Monday, December 4th, 2006

i’ve always envy intelligent people.i mean real intelligent people.the one that never show he’s that smart but in the end proves that he exceed whatever acheivement others had manage to obained.i’m relating my experience in this based on intelligence quotient (IQ) and not including EQ,and other ….Q there is.

lets just say that you are given 5500 and needed to know the amount of added 6%.this is not too hard to ‘congak’ right.but it is the method that i’m interested about.the way i see it (which mean the only way i see it, before someone shows otherwise) is to halves 6% to 3/50 and times it with 5500.which is later added to the original number.thats me calculating.after bragging that i got the value first before my calculator-dependent brother, i got into discussion with my dad over the method.

he points out that it will be easier to find it by doing the 1% value times 6 then added to original number.or 5% plus 1% which is more complicated to remember but easier to comprehend.this got me started on my disability to view things 360 degree.which i’ve known since i started school.i will see only one solution of an answer and be satisfied with it.

this disabilty made me really2 hate studying it needed the mind who can comprehend lots of approach,i am left is when someone taught me the approach that i gain slight understanding of that matter.i really thanks the teachers and friends who taught me lots of arithmetical things (not just add math) so diligently and ever not losing faith on me.

so,whats important here is i’m willing to learn,but be really patience with this slowpoke.


love.forever.shakespeare.shah jehan

Wednesday, December 6th, 2006

this post is heavily influence by the movie cinta.cant help it,the theme got me musing hard. love=cinta. forever=selamanya. shakespeare=the sonnets. shah jehan=taj mahal.i belief that all of this equations weaves itself together making it possible to comprehend each other.

love is a strong word.i didnt really understands its concept when i was young.and now i’m too careful when uttering the word.this is bcoz i view love to be pure and can never be forced.a good example is lke catching a fish in a big aquarium using a small ‘tangguk’.so visible,yet near that u can smell it but couldnt make sense that you havent caught it just yet.

forever is harder to understand.nothing last forever is my fav sheldon’s book,btw. which is true.nothing last forever.that nothing will eventually,why is there a need for a word called forever ? to me forever is just a metaphore.a promise made by a blinded heart.a fool who felt he’s floating on air.he will held on to that promise till one day the heart gave away.the one who recieve the word forever tend to believe so.naive as they was.only time well tell how long the promise will last.

shakespeare couldnt be discussed in a blog big of a task.the thing is, this guy wrote a bunch of sonnets.which is said to preserves his love one forever.he believes that : So long as men can breathe, or eyes can see,So long lives this, and this gives life to thee. ~sonnet 18

shah jehan once decided to build a momento of his love towards mumtaz.lots of blood are spill for this love symbol to be erected.taj mahal is built so that his love towards her is chronicled and made is meant to soothe the king heart after the demise of someone who he love so much.

the thing is….it is really interesting to see how love makes people do what they do.a man spent months if not years to preserve his love towards another.a king sacrifices lives and wealths to forever entombed his a mere words carries description so complex that it sometimes failed to capture a person understanding.perhaps it is not for us,mere peasant,to understand it and to just succumb to the emotion let it swoops you off your feets and withstand any turbulance that may follows.perhaps.

p/s:this is specially discussed for a friend who didnt really believe the words love and forever.cheers.


honour among thieves.snatch-thieves not included.

Friday, December 29th, 2006

everyone hav a desire to break the law.and i do mean it performing indecency acts in public.or making private walls look personal and insightful.mine is theft.not that the itsy-bitsy one,but grandeur one.the one-off act (which will never be one-off once completed) that’ll leaves you with large sum of money.lets just say i’m overly influenced by these books; great train robbery by crichton and how to rob a bank in 10 seconds by……the name escape me.dang.

the thing is, i saw a snatch theft incident this morning.happen literally infront on me.heard a cry,turn my head,saw a motorcycle shooting past with something dangling.tried to comprehend the situation but understand it completely when i saw the girl ghastly-face.the thieves work fast tho,coz they manage to find what they want and throw off the bags and other things on the road.pitied her.this is one of those time when i wish i hav superpower to meddle with i wished….

this occurance left hollow feelings in me.makes me feels scared for my mom,sis,friends.what if these thing happen to them.the girl is smart coz she didnt held on to the is way more expensive than your bag(even if its gucci or prada).i do hopes the girls around me hav that little common sense needed to keep themselves safe.cross-sling your handbag.put it in front of you.nvr walk alone.and i do mean is as much dangerous in the light as in the dark.if by chance someone snatch your bag,just let is nvr about the stuff you accumulate.dont let them dragged you bcoz of that.dont chase them if its an open road.judgement could be blurred by adrenaline rush.shout.get attention.shout louder.if you couldnt,its okay.trauma is shows that you’re going to realized what had happened.

but more importantly,get you family, and friends.find me.i will come running.surround yourself with person who could calms u down.

to that thieves,i am ashamed of you.what you’ve done is disgraceful and artless.just grow up,man.grow up.


resolusi.bahasa jiwa bangsa.melayu

Sunday, December 31st, 2006

belum pernah tersiar coretan dalam bahasa ibunda.bukan bongkak atau lupa asal usul,tetapi lebih selesa membuah perasaan dalam bahasa kedua.mungkin kerana budaya dan kebiasaan.jangan risau,takkan hilang melayu dalam diri.kita elakkan apa yg mahadhir luahkan (melayu mudah lupa) dan tonggakkan apa yang hang tuah bicara (takkan melayu hilang di dunia).

tahun 2006 sudah sampai ke penghujung nafasnya.resolusi yang dibuat diusahakan sebaik mungkin.tapi apakan daya,kita hanya manusia.mampu melontar semangat berapi tapi buah silatnya lemah.masih lagi memperalatkan situasi untuk kepentingan diri.masih lagi mempercayai tanpa mencari sinar.masih lagi tidak upaya mencintai diri sepenuhnya.masih memeluk sesuatu yang bukan hak milik.apakan daya,diri ini amat lemah dengan tipudaya dunia dan helah manusia.

walaupun begitu,tiada manusia yang hidup tanpa arah yang lebih baik.mungkin ketenangan sudah mula terbit dalam jiwa.kematangan juga sudah ditunjukkan walau masih ditabir dengan lakonan keanak-anakan.nafsu marah dikawal dgn lebih baik.dan sudah mula belajar memberi tanpa meminta kembali.mungkin juga mampu menasihati tanpa kekasaran.nampaknya diri mula berkembang sebagai manusia yang punya harga diri.

tahun depan menjanjikan cabaran yang ditingkatkan kesukaran.seperti biasa resolusi tahun baru dihiasi dengan bunga-bunga fantasi.ingin menjadi manusia lebih baik seluruhnya pasti.ingin menambah jam kredit solat.mula menulis secara serius( tetapi mungkin tidak akan disiar nukilan itu,manusia pemalu).menjadi manusia yang lebih sihat.ingin mencari cinta(mungkin dari dlm diri atau orang sekeliling).ingin melihat seni dunia.ingin kurangkan penipuan terhadap diri.

kita lihat akan datang,mampukah manusia kerdil melaksana kehendak naluri.kita lihat dan pelajari.selamat tahun baru semua. spread leave awe

Sunday, January 14th, 2007

“kita berdrama bukan utk bermain” khalid salleh said when he delivers the drama competition verdict.”saya berdrama utk menyampai sesuatu,saya percaya pada prinsip ni” halusinasi senior abg edi said.

joining drama in my college have been a crucial decision that decided how far a man i could develop in me this year.i shed bloods and tears throughout this emotionally-intense moment.i never once believe that i’m a good actor.heck,when i first joined drama i only want to be a prop-man (or technical master as eiji had said).but, when offered a character i accept it just so i may say that i’ve tried.and i do mean that i have tried,i pushed hard.i endured painful moment,i humiliate myself in front of others,i accept verbal abuse from tuan director with a smile.from this all,my character is shaped.

but importantly,i realize how much love can someone gave.sometimes they just dont see it as i forced-fed me with your own discomfort and demand me to fiddle with wounds and left it open when they are teared.perhaps, by giving i made myself vulnerable.i’ve only hoped for support but what i recieved is more boulders.

yea’i’ve learned this before.being a weak human,i may always repeat this idiotic acts.but do know that i remember.altho i seldom react to it,i do remember. be.or not to be

Sunday, February 4th, 2007

i’ve been trying so hard.mustered every ounces of energy left.but i still couldn’t finish any post these last few weeks.i have to many ideas that i want to voiced out, feelings i wanna let known.but i just couldnt find the words to describe it.question worth to ponder,am i getting dumber or is this psychological stress?


issues.view.act with conviction

Thursday, February 15th, 2007

i have a strong view toward a few issues. i believe that if we commit ourself toward a cause, soon somebody else will realized its purpose and importance. some will say one voice is only a pittance, a soundwave amidst thousand interference.i say rid that negative small step will generate the will to make small voice will inspire another to speak up.

i have always believe that children should not be a medium to release tension. a place where you let go all that pent-up angst against the world.NO…leave them alone.any self-respecting adults should know that their action signify their level of maturity.public humiliation is catastrophic to early children development. they’ll feel inadequate, and soon works hard just to please others.which is very tiring and made them an easy target for bullies. so, spare them the rod, the slap, the shouts, the verbal abuse, the slightly idiotically-disgracing remarks toward the child. i dont think we want our future leaders to timid and binded on the nose by much stronger leader.

i dreamed of plastic being replaced with recyclable paper bags.its bad for the enviroment and at least if some nitwit decide to throw his bag anywhere it will decompose faster than plastic.not that i’m approving this rather uncivilized act.or perhaps we could try not to request plastic bag if we only buy one can of drink.try it.creates sense of fulfilment that somehow you’re maintaining mother nature health.

whatever your issues, stand with yourself that whatever you’re doing are right and is intended for the better.but try not to overdo it.fanatism is never the better side.till then.


sense of humour.funny.not funny.

Sunday, February 18th, 2007

lets talk about sense of humour.the variable in this topic is so great that you couldnt even sort them into group.not that i’m implying sense of humour as six year old smartass asking you to count how many cars had crossed that junction, thats utterly funny.especially if the kid came popping out of nowhere, with no parent on tow.funny as in wierd-funny.period.

some may not agree, but i do find it funny if you tried to make someone day extra special by giving him a good mass-beating at night to celebrate his birthday.of course it is a sissy kicks and brain-numbing pillow often could you be beaten by your own friends whom some are not afraid to declare flesh and blood.may his soul rest in pieces.that toothpaste in the shoes is also quite funny i must say.

whats not funny is when you do those practical jokes that could hurt.there may be casualties if the words used aren’t funny but disgracing.or if the practical joke affect bystanders around.or it affect the victim (joke’s victim i mean) day.which could be an important day.though the line is vague, try to minimize damage by observing first before doing that ‘fun’ thing.sense of humour is not always there in everyone.heck, i’ve even found someone who would slap you if you tried doing ghost incarnation in front of him.lack of it is not the problem.overdoing it is.

enough serious part,i’ve done my share of jokes and also a fair share on the recieving i miss ol’ school days.thats when we lost whatever dignity you might tried defensively wrestled.but my dear friends, i still do harmless one.thanks for teaching that straw and ice tricks,babe.gonna do it really often.heh.


act of kindness.recieving equal it forward

Wednesday, March 7th, 2007

a simple act of never knew what major different it could it let another car overtake you it signing in for your still asleep it buying a meal for that guard who did his job without a single complaint made.

maybe the owner of the car is rushing to somewhere maybe;wife’s final stage of labour and he is late.a mother rushing home because her children forgot to bring the house-key.a son/daughter who is rushing to be with their parent who is dying.we never knew.i would rather believe others is always having good intention in their mind than painting the worst ever picture on this situation.i know sometimes i still lost it, but i tried to make the best of this point of view.

the thing is i happen to recieve one of the very time that i feel i’m worthless.which never supposed to be if i’m a person with high sensibility.but we’ll get back to that later.i recieved a hug from someone last sunday.and that simple act of touch really made me take a better turn in my decision.i thank her a lot.she may not realized it but this speck of affection really did makes a different.

just one reminder tho,pay it dont need to feel liable to do it once you recieve it but you should at least feels the urge to compensate that action.

p/s: maybe i acted that way to heal something.maybe soon all will be well and the sun will shine again.



Saturday, March 31st, 2007

the most dreaded word in every student that breaks a relationship.inviting shivers and anguish in every student hearts.students loss weight and sanity due to it.mood swings and sudden muteness are common.the one moment we actually see students goes to the library to study and not for some other co-curicular activities.and there is more slippers than seats infront of study room(mathematically correct what…even if there is enough seats for everyone the total of slippers are still double).exam.

but the most important things to remember are exam is just a way for educators to gauge our level of understanding and it is by no way determine what level is our intelligence.if we’re only able to memorized the syllabus then the true purpose of acquiring knowledge has not been acheived.if we conceded that by looking at our result slip,we’ll know where on earth we are heading than we better jump off that cliff….coz you ain’t that smart,kiddo.

what we need is confidence.confident that we’ll manage.confident that we’ll push ourself beyond the limit we’ve drawn for ourself.confident that if by any chance we failed,theres always time to do better.confident that it is not the end of the world when exam come (irony if we thought it that way,how many exam have we survived just now?).confident that good result wouldn’t promise a bowl of rice (or noodles for that matter) in front of you.

whatever it is, good luck in the coming final exam.strive for the best and prove there’s some sh*t in your brain after excerpt from how to rob a bank in 10 seconds “just face it,you’re one brain to short to f*ck with me”.godspeed mate.


busy.patriotism.i love my country

Monday, June 25th, 2007

first of millions of apologies to those who frequent my blog.been busy with a lot of things,events,sleeps,games and living life that no update is posted for nearly a brain kinda freeze a while back that only non-intelligible mumbles flourish.heh.

patriotism….what do we know about it?how does it work?when does is shines from our soul?where do we find it?why is it so important? but the most important question is how willing are we to be patriotic? question,question….questions that needed answers.

for most who didnt sleep during sejarah class at school and actually listen to what the teacher had said in front, they have got the foundation started toward realizing the need of patriotism towards the country, king, goverment, sovereignity, and its citizens. the need to protect the right toward own land, the need to fend off unwanted help from those who have other intention than to really help. and also to know that there is still a country that stand in rubbles, a country oppressed by superpower, a country that never was a country, and that slowly countries invasion are starting to happen again.

there are some countries that can be acknowledge as in peace and harmony but what i find weird is why there is still racial discrimination.why there is still disputed over sovereignity. why some become over-zealous when fighting for their cause. why some still want to be superior over the other. why religion have to be politicize. why politic have to be this dirty. why some short-minded dimwits still get elected and still mumble remarks that couldnt be accepted by sane mind.why good politicians seem to died out before their flame get to torch the patriotism flame inside his countrymen.

i cant give answer because it is something that we seek and realized. something that we luckily can learn not experience it. something that we can work for and not fight over. something that we can let go and demanded less. something that we can explained and accept. only we can do it and not others having shove it inside of us.

one thing for sure, i still believe this country we lived in is culturally harmonize, environmentally magnificent, have reliable government, and really colourful history.i love my country…what about you?


the itch.i.wanna

Monday, June 25th, 2007

and now i cant stop writing.i wanna share with all of you something to ponder. “our best intention may not yield the best result”.and i do produce good literary works (at least i find it finely produced) but i am not yet ready to show it to all.stop pestering okie. someone seems to think that it is easy to write when you’ve read so many. it never is and never will be. there is too many emotions that flowed out when you write, and to contain it is never, chill. when the time comes, all will see.

p/s: adek, this post is not meant for you. it is for some other persona.ngehngeh.


scared.the need of promises

Friday, July 27th, 2007

i’m scared.i know what i will be facing but i’m scared.i know that i can more or less manage my time but i’m still scared.i know i can be a good leader but i’m still scared.i know that people around me trusted me but i’m still scared.

insecurity is a very bad trait that runs in my veins.but i do believe that being scared is necessary.necessary for alertness.necessary to keep on evolving.necessary to keep on moving forward.

i hope others will help to keep me straight on the rope.if i ever slipped, you would be there to catch me and help me up again.if i start prancing along the rope like it is a highway, you would be there to slap my ass and tell me to stop messing around.behind every figure theres always a my case, i think i will need wingmen coz i can be hard to handle sometime.

thanx to those who trusted me.i will do my best to not ever let you my bestfriends, i’m really sorry that they have rob our time to spend together, but i promised y’all that i will make it up.ibu,i will never forget the reason why i’m in UM.


purpose.standing by it.sticking to it.

Saturday, September 15th, 2007

one month hiatus.i’ve been bloody lazy i must say.the brain needs sharpening.the procrastinating needs whipping.ngeh.

we all have a place in the it, in a hospital changing a patient’s it, inside an air-conditioned room doing it, sitting in moldy room waiting for customers to buy all come down to, we have a purpose in life.we may not like it,but it’s still our purpose till we find another.what i wanna say is all of us have a place in the world,and we should know it.and stand by it.and not let others taint it.root yourself, man.

i believe in giving the truth.on not sugarcoating facts.on not giving lies that create high hopes.on leaving the governing to the people themselves.fluidly, i mean.yes, i do have the reassuring charm.but i dont see the need to placate it for building my good personalities.i dont see it as a way to veil the worsen situation.i dont see it as a makeup to whatever bust up that have been made.i see it as an approach to start a remedial process.i see it as a calm hand to soothe raging heart.i see it as a brick wall that strenghten the spirit of those who stand by it.

i’ve done my job.most said so.i do believe didnt matter how the others feel.i have my purpose,i’m sticking by can play me up,but remember time reveals all.


a list.keeping an eye on it.beautiful moment in the making.

Saturday, September 15th, 2007

i’m going to be straight to the point and blunt.there is no point hiding it.there is no reason dodging people because of it.

  • i’ve procrastination problem.thus i have a few assigments with tight dateline.
  • i’ve gain weight.i’m happy and in stress.both are the reason human eat more than they have to.
  • i’ve bite a lot more than i can chew.and i’m living the consequences.serve me right.
  • i’ve reduced my trip to the sad about the state things are.but will try to be more careful with my time.
  • i’ve found someone i want to spend a lot of my time with.only time will test and tell where this is is getting clearer though.i’m liking it.
  • i’ve change.but it is for the better.but my core is still how you know it.

’nuff said.this is actually a list that i’ve to keep an eye on.may it be better than what most cynic would presume.


happy birthday.20th.older but none the wiser.

Sunday, September 23rd, 2007

happy birthday’s been a year.time does fly i guess.

am not in the state to write.a lot is rushing out the pandora box,but the excitement block the creative juice.had a very fulfilling watch-shopping and scrumptious-but a bit late dinner.the company is all i’ve been wishing for years.thank you very(2x) much.

will really write when i’m off this happy-delirious state.for now leave me be,floating in the cloud wishing that today will never end.nah,the realist in me knew that:nothing last forever.


ramadhan.lesson learnt.eid al-fitr.

Thursday, October 11th, 2007

nearly a whole month of fasting.all would’ve thought losing weight is the tall order, but darn it all.ramadhan is so full with yearly delicacies that it will be very much regretful if i dont adhere to the ever growing saliva-inducing bites (i mean mouthful :-p)

but what is it that ramadhan suppose to signify?a timeframe where you just dont eat and drink? a crazy-ness.i still see a lot of malay males eating without any sense of guilt.even at the petrol station.or is it where you stop badmouthing-which nearing-slandering?i still hear pack of lies.written on brochures/flyers to make a person personality shitty.or is it where you learn to grow up and embrace your maturity and restrain?i still see old-man-not realizing it hitting someone somewhat attached who is actually 20 years younger.i still see burst up when you could just breathe it in slowly and smile.

so it does get rather not saying i’m perfect and good (or prim and proper like someone said.heh.).there is still a lot for me to improve.nafs and ibadah for sure.but perhaps the older one should set an teach and show stop and make the better turn.

in the end, it is nearing the end of ramadhan.bask on it as long as you can.Happy Eid al-Fitr.forgive whatever sins i’ve ever commit to you.halalkan whatever i’ve mistakenly/unknowingly/knowingly eaten or taken.i’ll be better next time.perhaps a smile now would be nice.heh.

fear.stand up.speak ip

Saturday, February 23rd, 2008

fingers are crackling.a few months of unavoidable hiatus.the brain is very much washed with ideology that withstood logic,practicality thats beyond comprehension,action that biased toward those whom it favours.but before i start, i’ve showcased one of my piece.takkan ku toleh lagi ke belakang.based on the response,i’m still mediocre i guess.but,it’s conquering the fear that i’m proud of.

most that i’ve seen,heard,read and experienced are driven by fear.they fear to talk because if they will be held accountable.they fear to act because some may find it against their want that they retaliate.the fear to post because there is possibilities of being cought,punished.implementations are slowed because sometimes the people dont realize that to achieve whats best, sacrifices have to be made.

i encourage free speech,ideas seniority prompt by age or your period spent in one institution.i encourage reading.articles,news,philosophically-mind boggling-idea in a book.i bid all to write expose.what is good and what is bad.god does not grant us our feets for us to be sitting idly.i know,we are all afraid of the consequences of our action.but i hold this quote dear, it’s better to make the wrong decision at the right time than making the right decision to late.stand up,mon ami.

what i guess, u, me, all of us need to do is to speak with others.communicate.tell others what u fear.ur aspiration.ur wants.what the others could do may only be lending their ears, but at least the idea is brought forward.i know i’m still scared of telling others what i really want, but we can all walk the trecherous path together.donc,will u face your fear?

This is the end of my blog post in friendster’s blog. After reading it all back, I don’t think I want to to delete friendster’s blog. To much memory to delete with just one click. To those who were willing to finish this rather long post, do comment. I thanked thee profusely. J

2 Comments leave one →
  1. October 8, 2008 6:17 pm

    ahha. i read all the posts. nk hadiah 🙂

    it is a good act to keep the old blog. memories should be kept, if not in our heart, in blogs. teehee.

  2. afiq syarifuddin permalink*
    October 9, 2008 2:16 am

    @dfarhana–thank you for reading it all. I hope this cake of information would make understanding me more bearable. hadiah coming in shortly 😉

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