Turmoil. In my heart and mind. I have faith in ALLAH SWT. I may have neglegted some of my duties toward Him, but in His Power I believe that these too shall pass. I can’t seem to choose. I can’t seem to give absolute answer to the one person who needed answer. I have faith anything that happened, always happens for a reason. It is not my duty to question why it happen but only comprehend the need for it to happen. I’ve done things that is foolish, and hasty. I’m not proud to say that I’ve achieve it or it is just something that I want to try. BUT I’m certain that it all happen due to me believing that the time had come for it to happened and if it happen otherwise a lot of thing that happen after it wouldn’t happened after all.
I’ve wierd ideology. Am not willing to discuss it just yet. It is not political since I’ve already made public where my support stand with. Its my idology of life that makes me worried. I know it is not supposed to be tightly binding. And I do know that when it is not binding it shouldn’t be called ideology at all. I just knew that to follow mine would be hurting someone and to not follow it would lead to something that I’ve been building my fortress against. I’m terrified of what will happen next. I know for sure that to tell someone near would mean a long lectures on thing don’t really work the way I think it works. Yes, you might be true. Yes I may not know enough and as much as you. But, seriously my reservation must have some weight to it since I’ve accompanied it with close evidences and situations.
I don’t know where the future lies. Heck, I don’t even know whether my future plan would stick. To those who have followed this post (which I know is not that many pun…) I do understand that all the above can’t be understand unless you have learned the real matter from me. But, for sure each post must have some real and comprehensible. As I said earlier, I don’t know where my future lies. But, I do know what I want. I want a bookstore. Not the kind where it sells stationaries and other things that is not in direct realtion to books… (okay, smarty-pant. I know crayon can also be considered as in direct relation to books when it is used to scrawl on it). I want a place theres a lot of stories. To be read, discovered, and pondered. I want to lead a slow peaceful life where all that matter is whether knowledge is being imparted with great joy. I don’t think I’m cut out to lead a high-pace life ( I can’t even take the pressure of getting two people asking bundle of questions at the same time while also asking me to decide on a technical stuff in a jiffy). I’m more toward short-term stress and moving on type of guy. So, a bookstore would be nice. A place where all kind of people come to find a book that suit their want and need. A place that made you want to sit in it for as long as time permits. A place where I think I would be most at home.
This is that. I don’t know whether it will happen or not. It would be nice if it did. But I do know that to find out, all I need to do is wait and work preserverely. As with FAITH and IDEOLOGY, I figure time will reveal the right path when it is the right moment. Its just that waiting-and-not-actually-getting might not be someone cup of tea.